i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
