I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
