Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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