nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
