Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
