Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
