party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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