Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
