I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my liver is dry heaving
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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