Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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