So drunk, too bad you don't want this
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
