Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
