I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want nice things and good sex
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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