hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
