He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
