And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
