I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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