quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
