I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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