I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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