Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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