you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
