is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
