Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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