yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
