yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
