My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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