i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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