It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
