just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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