this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
