hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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