I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
