dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
