You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
