mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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