new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
