He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is Oprah even human
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
