When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
