Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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