My room smells like vodka and shame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
