Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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