your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
