i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
being pregnant is like rehab
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
NoShamevember. You game?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
