i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
