wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
