I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
