I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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