hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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