I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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