This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
