I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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